My feet

Also known as SS Left and SS Right.

There is absolutely nothing I can do. No amount of diet or exercise will change my shoe size. I’ll say that it’s a bit easier nowadays to get footwear in my size, but back in the day…

Remember the 80’s when everything was bought at a brick and mortar shop? I’d hop from store to store, trying to find anyone who would carry my size. All the major brand shoe stores went to size 10 (US) for women and not a millimeter larger. I wore an 11. I still do. My foot size hasn’t changed since I was 13.

“Can you special order them??” I would ask?

No would be the answer, or just a blank stare.

I could go to an old lady shoe store, but Jesus, I’m an insecure teenager! You’re going to make me wear a boring beige Oxford? Even my mum thought they were outrageously boring, and she was literally the queen of boring clothes.

I was able to get by on Converse high tops and some men’s shoes, but looking for dress shoes or boots sent me into tears. I remember some asshat sales guy telling me to take what I could get when he presented me with the one pair of 11s they had in stock. I don’t even remember what they were.

As the 80s waned into the 90s, things began to open up a little. Budget rack shoe stores carried a small selection of 11s and 12s. They weren’t particularly well-made, but they covered my feet.

There were also a few boutiques that carried outrageously high-heeled, flamboyant numbers. I found out later that these places were catering to transvestites, but hey whatever works!! I only bought one pair. At 5’9″, I don’t need 6″ heels, but they were fun. 😜

Today, on the internets, I can find my size without too much issue. Even with all the different shoe sizes out there, there’s still one proven fact – all big shoes look weird. You don’t believe me? Next time you are at a shoe store, find a really cute shoe in a size 6. Then ask to see it in a size 11 and compare them side-by-side. The 11 will look like a monstrosity next to its cute-as-a-button counterpart.

Now you know a bit more about why a (mostly) sane person keeps a pair of Doc Martens for 28 years (and counting).